I have so many posts that are almost ready to be posted. Many topics that make me excited. And yet I can’t seem to finish them.
I’m not in a mood to be productive, to even be positive. I’ve spent the last two days switching between being grumpy, sad or careless. I can’t put my finger on why I am feeling like this. I don’t think there is one specific reason, it is probably a build up of several things and it has just gotten a bit too much.
I’m feeling overwhelmed and I can’t pretend that I’m okay. This past week there has been a heatwave in London with around 30C. I usually love warm weather and sun but this time I have been wanting to stay inside as much as possible. Why? I’m not sure.
I also got paid yesterday and I got really excited when I saw that the amount was greater than expected and it felt good for a minute. Then that feeling disappeared and I felt indifferent. I went shopping and got excited when I bought something and then the rest of the shopping trip I was in a bad mood because I couldn’t find anything else. I had forgotten my excitement only a few hours earlier and now all I wanted was to go home, away from people and the sunshine.
This blog brings me so much happiness and excitement. When I have spent a day writing 3-4 blog posts and taken pictures it’s a good day. I plan when I’m going to post each one and get excited about how each post look on my blog, that my blog is looking more and more the way that I want my blog to look like. And still, I’ve been avoiding writing blog posts.
Why? I’m not sure.
This blog is called Rapunzel the psychologist and I have mentioned that mental health will be a topic on this blog. I sometimes struggle if I should share personal text like this here, because it’s not perfect, because it’s parts of life that are difficult. It’s honest and it’s raw, but it’s not inspirational, pretty or motivating. Nevertheless, I have decided to write this text and publish it. For the very simple reason that I needed to write these words. This is what I needed to express and I find it easier to write rather than talk. I know, ironic. I didn’t want to publish the posts I have prepared, they were written when I was happy and excited and that’s not how I’m feeling now. This is what I needed to write.